Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Sygehus = Sickhouse = Hospital

Today we had our long-anticipated hospital tour. Every Wednesday at 2:00pm, a cluster of heavily pregnant women and their entourages forms at the main entrance of the hospital, which, as I keep hearing, boasts a really state-of-the-art birthing center. We'd been told by friends to not dawdle in our waddle as the group tour departs at 14:00, no later, so we showed up a little early and watched all the other preggos lean against walls and vie for the few chairs in the hallway. I was, of course, the biggest bellied one there, but, sadly, no prizes were given.

Can you believe the WHOLE TOUR WAS IN DANISH? I'm all... WHATEVS. Still, it was interesting to see all of the rooms and call buttons and blinking lights and smiling midwives who look like a platoon of warm welcoming angels and the little tiny water pitchers and the huge shelf of vases available to the new mums to use in their rooms during their stay. There's this area with a sign out front called "Køkken" ("Kitchen") where you can just go and help yourself to whatever snacks or drinks you want. The giant fridge had a see-through door, and I noted apple juice, milk, bottled water, butter, cheese, fruit...and beer!!!!! Yes! Bottles of beer! I can drink beer while I'm delivering! Talk about state-of-the-art! (I hope all you American hospital administrators who are reading this are making a big ol' mental note, okay?) (And, no, Brenda, I did not see a Margarator™, but I didn't have time to look behind all of the curtains. Will keep you posted for sure.)

The midwife who gave us the tour, Randi, was a pert, red-cheeked gal who took, I think, maybe two breaths in the span of an hour. She had A LOT of information to share with us. I'm sure it was all very important. I actually found myself intently listening as she talked, hoping that if I ESPed her hard enough that she would spontaneously burst into English. She didn't. But, I tried to listen for words that I understood, so this is what it sounded like to me:

"Hkuhsfih BABY klhskifh skdjhsdkhf hiefhieoighh BIRTH hkfhigoeakh irhg jkhsekifh hjsfyghbjksl hngiklisuh BABY fhilfoiukh YOU sjkdhfikhgjdk jbksjhf TELEVISION hjljifihigh bskjloijfnjmsruiow bjksdhfilhbk MIDWIFE. Jkjsehu hksfhukh kjbf kjnf jbd JUST ASK! Bjklsjhfgh njksdjhfugb BIRTH jkbsdjbkjhivh hbjkshf jg BABY jknbdksfnkjn BLOOD jnshf h BLOOD njksdfhkuh bjbd BLOOD khnfkhkuhtua nmfdklj BLOODY knfkhn BLOOD jkwsiutn BLOOD njakehfuy EPIDURAL nkjlsyhfiuyh kjdhshjgj PAIN guwegr fjugsdfjbn BLOODY bjskhfkuhsn mkalrfhukghsa bkjhsdfhk BABY AND MOTHER. Ojkerhukgsf BIG HELP! Pjsgdfugkjbjfih PAIN njksdhfuguks VERY PAINFUL bjkshdfuhkepogj BABY..."

I also understood about the magical pull-cords, which seem to be everywhere -- tub room, next to the birthing bed, next to the recovery bed, next to the toilet, at the window seat, in each corner. I like that. My beer will always be cold and fresh. Also, at some point, I am just completely certain that I heard her say "DIM SUM" very quickly, and I think Don did, too, so maybe we're in some major luck here. Let's just hope herring dim sum is off the menu during our stay.


NotQuiteDanish said...

hehe. I can just see you two 'listening', much like us... It's so handy getting only one word out of every ten. Although, finally I've had some success. Last night we went out to dinner and struck a non-English speaking waitress and I managed the whole table, order, instructions, bill and thank you in Danish!

Still, I guess you caught the drift of the process - epidural-bloody- (voila!)-baby. How cool that there's pretty much 24hr cockt-øl bar :)

I guess it's really the big countdown now! So will bubs be technically Danish, American or both?

EKinDK said...

Yay for the small victories, eh, NQD??? The Bubs will be an Americano, as Danes are not allowing of all that dual citizenship business. I'll keep ya posted on the bar offerings at the hospital... STILL can't believe that's for real! (Although my friend just told me, "oh yeah, that's for the dads to drink, but you can probably have some, too." Nice!

kimananda said...

I like the idea of beer to help you through...but I'd forgo the dim sum, and hold out for sushi. Actually, I'm already putting out the word that anyone visiting me in the hospital after the birth must come bearing Japanese take out! occurs to're due really soon, aren't you?

EKinDK said...

Yep -- three weeks! But, this kid will have my genes, meaning he'll probably be a pokey little puppy, so we're expecting a late arrival. I'm one of those people who finds even airplane food delicious, so I'm sure I'll be happy with whatever's on the hospital menu! I think you're due a month or two after me, right? I'll certainly post stuff about my Danish birth experience, so stay tuned...